Photographic Melody

February 4 (Day 35): Sharpied Stars

2010-02-06T18:53:00.002-06:00

Hey look, another self-portrait.

I have a tendency to sharpie on my arm. A lot. You can somewhat tell that I have lyrics layered over other faded lyrics. Two quotes were on my arm-- the bigger one is FM Static, the smaller one wrapping around my wrist is Thousand Foot Krutch.

The stars are holding you tonight
[- Tonight]

Sometimes love feels like pain
[- Wish You Well]

February 3 (Day 34): Rocker Desk

2010-02-06T18:25:00.001-06:00

This wasn't meant to be my photo of the day, but I forgot to take another, so oh well (also note that I missed 2 days). This is what a rocker's desk looks like: tons of tickets and pictures and stacks of CDs.

January 31 (Day 31): Moments of Art

2010-02-06T18:23:00.001-06:00

This was a semi-random picture I set up and shot of myself on Sunday. I love the way the focus turned out. And I just love these jeans.

January 30 (Day 30): Defining Amateur

2010-02-06T18:13:00.002-06:00

This was my first and incredibly amateur recording "studio," consisting of my laptop, my iPod, some earphones, and then my iPod earbuds which have a microphone built in. I was recording some vocals in the room I share with my sisters.

January 29 (Day 29): Contained

2010-02-06T17:49:00.000-06:00

New guitar strings, carefully restrained in an envelope. I can't wait until they're actually on the guitar...

January 28 (Day 28): New Space

2010-02-06T17:47:00.003-06:00

I got a new desk. This is what I did to the back "wall" of it.

January 27 (Day 27): I Was Wrong

2010-02-06T17:44:00.002-06:00

This was a piece of paper I worked on for a graphic project that's not quite done yet-- it's lyrics from Skillet's Believe. This isn't the finished paper, but I took some shots of it before I was done.

January 26 (Day 26): One Day Later

2010-02-06T17:42:00.001-06:00

I typically have a pile like this on my desk for a few days after a concert-- fresh autographs.

January 25 (Day 25): Moving

2010-02-06T17:40:00.001-06:00

My ticket stub from To Save a Life, one of the most incredible movies I've ever seen.

January 23 (Day 23): Frontline

2010-02-06T17:37:00.002-06:00

Everybody with your fist raised high
Let me hear your battle cry tonight...
- Pillar

January 22 (Day 22): Unusual Birthday

2010-01-23T12:26:00.002-06:00

Today was my brother's pet unicorn's birthday. My little sister even made Sparkle Lord a mini icecream cake.

January 21 (Day 21): Page Turning

2010-01-23T12:24:00.002-06:00

I spent nearly 9 hours on homework on this particular day. So, suitably, the picture is of one of my textbooks.

January 20 (Day 20): Sunshine and Rain

2010-01-23T12:20:00.002-06:00

I have loved sunshine during rain showers ever since August. God always sends me the sunshine with the rain when I am in need of a reminder of exactly how beautiful my life is.

Open Laptop Surgery (bonus):

My brother was checking on what type of RAM was in my computer. He apparently found that this was best accomplished with a mask on and a knife at hand.

January 19 (Day 19): String Theory

2010-01-23T12:15:00.002-06:00

You are going to be very, very tired of guitar pictures by the end of this project.

I don't remember anything about this day, except that I spent a lot of time working on new chords and guitar theory.

January 18 (Day 18): Starbucks and Sky

2010-01-23T12:11:00.003-06:00

I had the day off, so my mother took me to Starbucks. The clouds were lovely, but I think the Starbucks sign is lovelier still (addicted? Me? No...)

January 17 (Day 17): Comfort Coffee

2010-01-23T12:06:00.003-06:00

On this particular day, I was up at 3:00 a.m. so we could take Shalana to the airport. We got back at 11:00 a.m. and went back to bed for a few hours. I got up and made coffee in the lovely ceramic mug my mother recently bought me, and it was all that I had the energy to take a picture of (along with the peppermint from our Sonic breakfast that morning).

January 16 (Day 16): Yesterday's Regret

2010-01-23T12:04:00.001-06:00

It was cold and rainy, and the graveyard was far away, but we were not to be deterred by such minor facts. My brother, sister, our dear friend Shalana, and I headed out to a graveyard on a rainy Saturday for a picnic and some photos. This is one of my favorites.

January 15 (Day 15): MySpace-fu

2010-01-16T11:27:00.001-06:00

This is my attempt at getting a shot of all four of us at once, when we went to Wal-mart together. I apparently forgot to re-set the zoom, which made it even harder. The title is what my brother decided to call my camera self-portrait skillz: MySpace-fu.

January 14 (Day 14): Paparazzi

2010-01-16T11:25:00.002-06:00

I obviously didn't take this picture. In fact, my sister had the camera all day long, so I didn't get to take any pictures. Hence this one. They were stalking me and taking pictures of me as I came out of class, and I was attempting to divert the camera. Apparently my timing was rather off.

January 13 (Day 13): Casual Observer

2010-01-16T11:23:00.001-06:00

We went out to see Sherlock Holmes (which is very worth seeing, by the way). At the end we were watching the credits with our shoes up on the seats in front of us, and I randomly snapped a picture. Hence the grainy quality-- I didn't have my flash on.

January 12 (Day 12): Making Up

2010-01-16T11:21:00.001-06:00

Yes. I have already missed a day. The first week of classes has been busy, in addition to having a guest, and no picture got taken this day. So I offer one I took a little while back, on one of the freezing cold days.

January 11 (Day 11): To Shine

2010-01-11T22:13:00.001-06:00

Continuing in the icy theme... we went on a walk this morning, and I snapped a few more shots of the pond. I don't like posting so many ice-related pictures in a row, but I might not have another opportunity like this for years to come.

January 10 (Day 10): Crystal Cascade

2010-01-11T22:03:00.002-06:00

It's been so cold here that the big fountain in front of a doctor's office here in town froze. We stopped to get some pictures of it on the way to church. It was one of the most beautiful things I've seen in my life.

January 9 (Day 9): Let Me Drift

2010-01-11T21:56:00.002-06:00

My siblings and I did two photoshoots on this particular day. This is a shot from the first one.

The book I rescued from the library where I work. Our campus's pond is completely frozen over for the first time in over 20 years. The ice was reflecting the bright morning sky-- I did some very basic enhancing in photoshop.

January 8 (Day 8): Abandoned Until Dawn

2010-01-11T21:53:00.002-06:00

A lonely bench on a playground at the church we clean on Fridays.

January 7 (Day 7): Texan Winter

2010-01-07T17:23:00.002-06:00

I found this kind of amusing, as far as contrast with my earlier picture goes-- those were Tennessee icicles. These are Texan icicles-- about an inch long.

January 6 (Day 6): Academic Literature

2010-01-07T17:21:00.001-06:00

These are my textbooks for the new semester...

January 5 (Day 5): Final Flight

2010-01-05T16:33:00.002-06:00

At work today (at my University's library) I threw out about 4 book carts full of old books. I threw them with one hand and snapped pictures with the other.

January 4 (Day 4): Discography

2010-01-05T16:32:00.002-06:00

This day marks the completion of my Skillet library.

January 3 (Day 3): In Tune

2010-01-05T11:06:00.002-06:00

I spent well over an hour tuning my guitar. I'd never done anything like it before, so it was quite a challenge.

[And yes, for now I'm posting the images rather large; this is because I found it incredibly annoying to have them so small last year. I may change my mind on this, but for now... hopefully I don't kill your computer.]

January 2 (Day 2): Shine

2010-01-05T11:03:00.002-06:00

The brightest stars are falling down--
is hope lost in the black skies?
The darkness must precede the dawn,
hold on till the sunrise.
Light will make your night fade out...

[Remedy Drive]

January 1 (Day 1): Melting Chandelier

2010-01-05T10:59:00.004-06:00

Well, here we go: I am trying Project 365 again. I guess I just can't resist anything that might bring me stress.

Regardless, I'm making no promises that I'll finish this year-- I certainly came no where close last year, and if anything, this year will be even more busy. But I figured I'd at least try to make a start, and hope I maybe manage to keep it up until Spring Break or so.

I took this picture behind the hotel where we stayed in Nashville. The cliff face was hung with icicles each morning.

Day 96: Faded Flowers

2009-04-06T22:20:00.002-05:00

I was playing with this one - I shot this through mostly opened blinds. There are actually a few blinds over this picture, but I messed with the focus so it went through the window to the flowers below. Thus the blinds look just like a gray mist.

Day 95: Flicker of Sunlight

2009-04-06T22:20:00.001-05:00

This is the huge, chunky candle beside my desk. It's not lit - the sunlight was shining directly in and catching it just right.

Day 94: Sharpie Artist

2009-04-06T22:16:00.000-05:00

Here we go again... I'm doing a new pair of "Epic Jeans," which will be entirely different except that I'm keeping the Collide logo, because I love it. This time it turned out much bigger and more colorful.

Day 93: Obsessed?

2009-04-06T22:14:00.000-05:00

Skillet's Comatose 2009 Tour started on April 2. The next day the Skillet fan community immediately started stalking YouTube for concert videos of the new songs we'd been promised. We found them before long, and I spent the rest of the day listening to "Hero" and "Monster."

Day 92: Coded

2009-04-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

I was studying for my Biology test. I have a color-coding system for marking pages.

Day 91: Counting Down

2009-04-01T22:52:00.000-05:00

So I was epically uncreative today (read, "exhausted"). This is my ticket to the Skillet show, tucked behind one of my special edition Comatose Comes Alive drumsticks.

Day 90: Mercy Comes with the Morning

2009-04-01T22:51:00.000-05:00

It rained during the small hours of the morning, between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. - I went to bed while it was getting started. In the morning, our azaleas were rain drenched as they faced the watery light of the rising sun.

Day 89: Instant Inspiration

2009-04-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

What do you do when you've been getting an average of 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night for days and days on end and you know you'll be up until at least 3:00 writing a massive paper that will make or break your grade in a class? The answer is quite clear.

Day 88: Tower of Books

2009-04-01T22:48:00.000-05:00

These were all of the books I was working with on Sunday. Yes, I was completely swamped. Fortunately, five of the twelve are now returned to the library, and I shouldn't ever have to look at them again.

Day 87: An Extra Friend

2009-04-01T22:41:00.000-05:00

I was taking a picture of two of my friends. My brother's mouse managed to get in on the photo shoot.

[Bonus Post]: Take it All Away

2009-03-29T21:25:00.001-05:00

Broken glass echoed a dull reflection of the fading sunlight. The smooth rush of cars provided the background melody. The twisted, dark clouds rolled towards the horizon, threatening to close off the sunlight entirely. Nia sat cross-legged in the gritty, strangled grass growing beside Main Street. Her camera hung from its strap around her neck. The familiar weight seemed comfortable and somehow safe.

Thunder rumbled behind her, somewhere in the east. She smiled. The rain was welcome. She could handle a little bit of rain, because the storm had already passed.

An old, battered black sedan slowed down and pulled to the road side. Nia looked up in surprise. Aaron climbed out, wearing his short-sleeved Switchfoot t-shirt without a jacket. He walked over and looked down at her.

"Hey, are you alright? I haven't seen you in two days," he asked.

Nia nodded. "I'll be in to work tomorrow. Of course, a few days after that I'll be going back to college, so I won't be working again until summer. I'm alright. More alright than ever before, maybe."

Aaron sat down beside her, wrapping his thin arms around his knees. He glanced at her camera. "Where did you last see the mask?"

"In the CD store," Nia said. "Not since then. It's gone now. I've looked back at all the other pictures. It's not in any of them anymore."

"What happened?"

"I faced it. And in doing so I realized how much I've been holding onto for so long." Nia shook her head. "I built my entire life around hiding from what I once was. It was only once I let myself acknowledge who I was and what I've done that I started to see who I am."

Aaron nodded. "And what did you see?"

"I'm busy figuring that out." Nia smiled. "I have a while. It's time to rebuild."

The clouds closed off the sky, veiling the last glimpse of the sun. Twilight washed over the roadside. A whisper of rain carried to Nia on the wind, and she felt tiny drops of cold water touching her face.

"So, what have you been doing?" Aaron asked.

"I've done a lot of photography, perhaps just because I'm so glad not to see the mask anymore." Nia smiled. "And of course I have my drawing to keep me occupied. I've been playing my guitar a lot. I actually wrote a song, which is a first for me."

"Oh really? Hey, if you ever make it into the music industry, I'll be sure that we sell your CDs in our store," Aaron said with a grin.

Nia laughed. "I doubt very much that that will happen, but thank you. The song is about these past few days, what I lost and what I found. I think it's the only time I really could write a song."

"What did you call it?"

"Photographic Melody."

Rain fell harder now as the pair lapsed into silence. Nia closed her eyes, letting the cold flow wash over her face. Something felt so much lighter inside. For the first time in three years she felt like her outside and her inside were the same person. She laughed, the sudden sound breaking through the rush of cars and rain. Nia shook her head. Rain drops scattered from her bright hair.

"You really are feeling better," Aaron commented.

"I am." Nia opened her eyes, watching the headlights of passing cars illuminating the rain. "I can't do this alone though, you know. I've faced myself, and now it's time to face other people."

"I'll be here," Aaron said quickly. "I know we'll be back in different town again, but there are phones and e-mails and instant messengers for things like that. If you need me, I'm here to walk with you."

"Thank you." Nia looked down, unsure of what else to say. Maybe nothing else needed to be said.

"Are you ready to head inside now?" Aaron asked.

Nia nodded. "Sure."

"Good. Because I'm freezing." Aaron smiled again, standing up. "I knew I should have brought my jacket with me today."

Nia smiled back. Aaron reached down to take her hand and help her up, and they walked towards his car.

"Want a ride home?" he asked.

"Sure," Nia answered, climbing into the passenger side.

Aaron pulled back out onto the road and then pushed his dripping hair out of his eyes. He pushed a button on his car's stereo, and a slow, gentle song started to play, wrapping the car in gentle piano and violin.

Nia leaned back. She knew she would have to give him directions to her house. She knew she would have to dry off once there, make sure her camera also dried off, find something to eat for dinner, and start packing to head back to college. But none of that mattered at the moment. All that mattered was that the fight had ended.

[The End]

[Bonus Post]: Nothing and Everything

2009-03-29T21:24:00.000-05:00

Nia walked up the stairs, hoping her mother would not hear her. She slipped into her room and closed the door. She should have been at work for another four hours. No one would guess she was here.

Nia walked to the window and pulled the heavy dark red curtains together, denying the light entry. Shadows wrapped the room in their silent embrace. Nia sat down on her bed, which was still undisturbed from the day before. Only a faint, deep red light showed the vague outlines of her furniture, as though she saw her room in a blood stained mirror. Her eyes closed, and for a moment she saw nothing but darkness. The outlines of time blurred together in her head.

Though her eyes were closed, she could see again, and light illuminated the space now. The furniture in the room had been rearranged. In fact, most of it wasn't even the same furniture anymore. She recognized her mushroom chair from junior high and the desk her parents bought her when she was a freshman in highschool. She hadn't seen either in years.

"Hello," a voice said.

Nia glanced over. A younger version of herself walked in and sat cross-legged on the floor across from her.

"What are you doing here?" Nia asked.

The younger girl shrugged. "I live here, Nia. I'm allowed in." She ran a hand through her hair, the black nail polish on her fingers contrasting with her pale skin. The girl wore all black, Nia realized. Or rather, Nia had been wearing all black at some point in the past.

"How old are you?" Nia asked as an excuse to break a momentary silence.

"Sixteen. But if you're me, you probably guessed that." The girl twisted around sideways, the window illuminating her profile.

"Why are you wearing all black?" Nia knew the answer, but she asked anyway.

The younger Nia looked down, her hair hiding her expression. "My best friend died a few weeks ago. I'm remembering her."

"And I'm trying to forget," Nia said softly.

"How successful have you been?"

"Not really at all. Otherwise I wouldn't be here." Nia traced a finger over the bed spread she hadn't seen in years. The familiarity both comforted and frightened her.

"What happened?" the young girl asked, still without looking at Nia. "What did you do in the years after Kristina died?"

Nia shook her head. "I lost myself, for a while. I fell through the cracks of the darkness in my mind. Then I locked it away. I forgot. My parents were ashamed, and refused to let me talk about it. They said people would say I was crazy. So we tried to erase all the memories. I went to college. I've even made some friends there. I thought we'd been successful in our efforts. Apparently I was wrong."

"Oh, well, that sounds great." A sarcastic note laced the 16-year-old's voice. "Apparently there's not really a happy ending for me to keep living for."

"That's what I thought, six months after she died," Nia said. "I went out on Main Street again. I tried to time it right, looking for a car moving fast enough that wouldn't be able to stop. I guess I wasn't thinking clearly enough. I got out of it with a broken leg and bruises, but alive."

For a moment both teenagers fell silent. Then the younger of the two tossed her head. "It's ironic that Kristina could do something on accident that you couldn't do on purpose."

"We don't know it was an accident," Nia interrupted. "That's what the official police report says, but they always say that when they're in doubt because it's easier on the family."

"It was an accident," the girl snapped.

"We don't know. What if it wasn't?" Nia said, raising her voice. "What if I had run over to her house after she hung up on me without explanation? She was upset at the time. She never told me why. What if I had gone to find out? What if?"

"Shut up!" the younger Nia yelled, looking up. Something cold and hard flashed in her eyes. "You can't keep saying that. It's done! We can't change it!"

"But I have to be able to," Nia said. "I can either change it or keep running from it."

Something flickered in her mind, a brief spark.

"I don't know what to do."

"Yeah you do. You just don't want to let yourself admit that you know. You've got to turn around and face it."

Nia slid from her bed, landing on her knees. "Face it. I have to get past the mask I've been wearing for all this time."

The younger girl frowned. "Face what?"

"Face you." Nia felt a warm tear streak her cold skin. "You're not any different from me at all. You're part of me. I can't run from myself. You said it yourself. You live here, in my head."

"What are you going to do? It's too late to change me."

Nia looked herself in the eye. "No. It's never too late. I can't change you, or what happened to you. But I can change me, and the way I live with what you've been through. It's not about running from the shadows. It's about facing them in order to find out that, in the end, the light still breaks through the cracks."

Her vision blurred again, and for an instance Nia could see through her own eyes and her former self's eyes at the same time. The outlines of her thoughts blurred, and she blinked. She found herself kneeling on the floor of her room, red light washing over her.

Nia stood up, her motions slow and measured. She opened the curtains and soaked in the sunlight.

[Bonus Post]: Lost

2009-03-29T21:23:00.000-05:00

[Note: I'm just trying to get this all posted right now. I'll try and add in pictures later, but I won't be able to do so as part of my picture a day - I just can't make all my schedules fit together right now.]

Pale sunlight broke through the clouded panes of glass. Morning came with its gentle resolve, washing over the dark wood floor. Nia breathed deep, as if taking it into her lungs. Another day, marked by a rising sun.

The hard floor pressed against Nia's shoulder and hip as she lay curled at the side of her bed. Katie lay in a limp heap a few inches away from her arms. Nia sat up, her hair falling into her eyes and screening them from the light like a red-brown curtain. She placed a hand against her aching back.

"I think I'm getting too old for this whole sleepless night thing," Nia whispered, her face twisting into an ironic half smile.

Grasping her bed post to steady herself, Nia stood up. Her clothes were wrinkled and stiff and felt like they didn't fit anymore, a feeling peculiar to wearing the same clothes through the night. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and shuffled over to her desk. Her cell phone lay there, untouched since the afternoon before. She shoved it into her purse. Within a few more moments she was down the stairs and on her way to work.

As usual, when she arrived Aaron greeted her at the desk with a teasing smile. "You're on time."

"Yeah, I know, some kind of miracle, right?" Nia tried to return the smile as she flipped on several lights in preparation for the store's opening.

Aaron shrugged. "I'm glad to see you though. It's nice to have some companionship, especially considering I normally work the early shift on my own."

Nia glanced over her shoulder. "That may be the first nice thing you've ever said to me."

"Not the first." Aaron ran a hand through his dark hair. "Just the first you've noticed. One way or another, I think you need it this morning."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you look exhausted, and something's fading out behind your eyes."

Nia didn't answer. She wasn't sure how.

"Look, Nia. I know something's on your mind. I don't expect you to tell your weird coworker who can't even get a real college education, but I do think you need to take care of yourself," Aaron said, stepping forward.

Nia moved suddenly to a stack of CDs on the opposite end of the desk. She started to reorganize them, though the titles barely registered in her mind. "It's memories. I thought I made them leave, but they're back, and I'm lost in them."

"They're not going to leave if you keep trying to ignore them. That just gives them the chance to stick around and grow," Aaron said, moving to stand beside her. "This is what the mask is about, isn't it? That thing with the pictures?"

A CD slid from Nia's hand as she closed her eyes. "Yes," she answered in a whisper.

"Here. Try this." Aaron pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Take a picture with this."

"Come on, that's your phone's camera, the mask won't show up."

"I'm willing to bet an extra Saturday night shift that it will," Aaron said.

Nia sighed, taking the phone from him and switching to camera mode. She aimed down at the stack of CDs, bracing her elbow on the counter in an attempt to still her shaking. The phone captured the picture. She pressed review.

Every single CD cover's design had been replaced with a black mask, staring with empty eyes.

"You see it, don't you?" Aaron asked softly.

She nodded, swallowing hard. "It's not just in my mind, Aaron. It's... I think it's part of me."

Aaron took the phone back, glancing at the picture. "You're right. It's definitely not part of me."

Nia covered her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Yeah you do. You just don't want to let yourself admit that you know." Aaron placed a hand on her shoulder. "You've got to turn around and face it."

Nia looked up, taking a deep breath. "I have to leave then. I can't take this shift."

"I know." He smiled a reassuring smile.

"I need to go off alone for a while. I'll be back in when I can," she said, grabbing her purse again.

"Alright. I'll be here if you need me."

She looked at him and blinked, as though actually noticing him for the first time. "Thanks. I'll remember."

He nodded. "Good luck."

Nia pushed the door open and went back to her car. She ignored the car radio this time. The tires of her car crossed pavement she had not been over in years. Her heart raced as she put on speed. She drove down Main Street.

Three years ago someone else had been on Main Street, but not in a car. Kristina Engles had stepped onto the pavement after hanging up the phone on her best friend. An estimated thirty seconds later, the teenager threw herself in front of a car. Just two or three minutes after that, Nia heard the sirens from her room. Another five minutes went by, and Nia learned she had lost her best friend.

Three years was not long enough to forget.

Day 86: Silver Style

2009-03-28T13:47:00.000-05:00

Shoes... poor college student style. My shoe has been falling to pieces, but I can't afford new ones right now, so I turned to duct tape. Hopefully this won't be a permanent solution...

Day 85: As Necessary

2009-03-28T13:46:00.000-05:00

This was my to-do list for a very busy Thursday. I had everything written out by time, because it was the only way for me to force my sleep-deprived, stressed, exhausted brain to process it all. I wrote this on the side - it really could have just said "Apply prayer always," because that's what it comes down to every day.

Day 84: Ready to Go

2009-03-28T13:45:00.000-05:00

My ticket to Sixflags arrived, and I keep it where I can see it and look forward to it. I haven't been to Sixflags in nearly 6 years, but I'll be going to see Decyfer Down, Red, and Skillet play.

Day 83: Remember When it Rained

2009-03-28T13:43:00.000-05:00

Oh, remember when it rained.

I felt the ground and looked on high and called your name!

Oh, remember when it rained -

in the darkness I remain.

- Josh Groban

Day 82: Underneath My Skin

2009-03-28T13:41:00.000-05:00

This was late, late at night, and to stay sane I was drawing random things on my arms (something I don't normally do).

As a note: I'm trying to catch up right now on this blog, but most of the pictures aren't really that great. The past week has been very busy and difficult, and I haven't had much time to do any more than snap random pictures at my desk while waiting for a web page to load.

Day 81: Shadows

2009-03-23T16:08:00.000-05:00

Scene 3: Shadows

Nia drew her knees up close to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. The dark denim of her blue jeans seemed to hold in the cold better than the warmth, and she shivered. The coarse cement of the flat portion of her house's roof had long since surrendered the weak heat of a winter's sun to the night air. City lights stretched out in the night like a glowing carpet of fireflies. Nia sighed, letting the cold winter wind wash over her. Her head ached.

"Two hundred thirty five pictures," she whispered. "A mask in every single one. A mask no one else noticed."

Nia reached down by her side, scooping up a battered stuffed cat and holding it up in front of her. A chiding smile twisted her lips. A few years had gone by since she had talked to this particular friend, but tonight the circumstance was different.

"It's not like I'm insane, is it Katie?" Nia stared into the worn thread eyes of the cat as though it could answer her question. "I mean, weird things happen. Who knows what's going on, or why it's happening to me? It's a twisted trick of fate. It's creepy, but it's nothing I can't handle." She ran her fingers over the cat's soft cloth ears. "I don't dare talk to mom and dad about it. They'll just tell me to be quiet again. I can't talk about this. But I don't know where to go from here on my own..." her voice trailed into silence, leaving only the stillness of a winter night.

She sighed and stood up, stretching her stiff limbs. "I guess I could not ever take a picture again. Actually, never mind, I couldn't. I really would go insane then." Nia paced, her worn house slippers slapping the roof top. "Or I could just hope it goes away. I've only tried various locations around this town... maybe when I go back to school, it will leave. But then, maybe it won't."

Nia sighed, hugging Katie's soft body close. "It would be great if this would just go away."

Sirens sounded somewhere in the night. Nia shivered, closing her eyes and wincing until the noise faded into the distance. Then she opened her eyes again and walked to the edge of the roof. Two stories down she could see the dark street running behind their house. A thick white drain pipe crawled down the brick walls, bright in the darkness. Nia pushed her friend into the wide pocket of her hoodie and knelt down. She swung her legs over the edge of the roof, clamping onto the pipe. She started to climb down, her hands aching from the cold metal tube. Nia's grasp loosened. She slid down the last several feet, landing hard on the thin strip of grass. She gulped down air, filling her lungs.

"Well, that was a new experience. No idea what I'm doing, but I might as well go on with it." The teenager pulled the stuffed cat from her pocket, tucking her in the crook of one arm. She started walking, glad for the warmth of her dark purple hoodie.

A whisper in the back of her head teased her, tugged at her subconscious, told her she was entering uncharted territory. Nia didn't listen. Her slippered feet found their way over curbs, down dark streets where broken glass lay splintered in the gravel, and through the dying grass which curled gray like the last ashes of summer.

As if in a daze, Nia stopped and looked around. She found herself on a small residential street which led to Main Street. Her breaths came uneven now, ragged with confusion and fear. She had not been on this street in three years.

"Nia, is that you?"

Nia gasped, whirling around. A short form stood hidden in the shadows under a tall tree. "Who are you?"

"It's Mrs. Engles. Do you remember me?" a lady's voice said.

"Oh. Yes. I'm sorry, it's been so many years..." Nia said, trying to collect her thoughts. "How are you, ma'am?"

"I've been well enough. I've missed you. You used to be here so often," the older lady said. "What are you doing out so late?"

"Walking." Nia smiled a little, realizing she really had no better answer. "And you?"

A slow, sad laugh echoed in the shadows. "Watching. Do you realize what day it is?"

Nia swallowed, the sound loud in her burning ears. "Yeah. It's January third."

"It's been three years now," Mrs. Engles said. "Three years is a long time."

"Not long enough," Nia said softly.

"Maybe not." Mrs. Engles made no move to leave the safety of her yard, under the still leaves. "I wish you would walk by here more often. You're still welcome, you know. It might make me feel a little less lonely."

Nia realized her hands trembled, though she did not feel the cold. "Maybe. I'm... I'm sorry."

"I know." The lady laughed again, the sound long and low. "Trust me Nia, I know."

Nia choked. She turned, her movements slow and measured. Then she ran. Her slippers pounded the unforgiving street as her hair caught in the wind of her speed. One elbow dug into Katie, keeping the cat pressed against her side. Her heart pounded, each beat sounding the rhythm, the melody of the shadows.

Day 80: Erased

2009-03-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

I miss the years that were erased,

I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face.

I miss all the little things,

I never thought that they'd mean everything to me.

- Lifehouse

Day 79: Iris Eyes

2009-03-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

Day 78: Hide

2009-03-22T21:54:00.000-05:00

Scene 2: Hide

The hot brown liquid sent waves of steam swirling into the cool air, radiating a deep, rich scent. The scent of comfort, Nia told herself. She breathed in some of the steam, a typical morning ritual before actually drinking the coffee.

Turning away from the clean counter and the stained coffee maker, Nia glanced at the clock. She sighed and hurried to the bathroom, coffee mug in hand. Her hairbrush lay beside the sink. She ran the bristles through her hair, blinking the sleep from her eyes as she watched her reflection in the mirror. Something else caught her gaze. The coffee continued to steam while reflecting in the mirror.

Nia rushed down the hall and grabbed her camera from its place on her nightstand. The moment she was back in front of the mirror again, she shoved the mug closer to the glass and knelt down.

"Let's see, shoot it at an angle," she whispered to herself. "Can't catch myself in it. Let the mirror fog a little more, but not too much, I have to be able to see the reflection of the cup... there!" Nia smiled in satisfaction as she captured the picture. She stood up again, hitting the playback button on her camera as she did so.

When she saw the picture, she frowned. Something was wrong with it. She looked closer. Instead of the coffee cup, a black mask stared out through the slight film of steam on the mirror. But though the mist on the mirror had been unbroken when she took the picture, on the LCD screen of her camera she could clearly see the word "HIDE" traced through it as though with a finger.

Nia glanced at the coffee cup by the mirror. There was no mask, and nothing was written in the steam. She looked back at the camera. The writing and the mask were still there.

The camera fell from her hand so it hung by its strap around her neck. She hit the coffee cup, which tipped over. Hot coffee spilled over the counter and into the bathroom sink, washing down the drain.

Nia pressed both shaking hands hard against the counter, closing her eyes. How could this happen two days in a row? Was she going insane? Leaving the mess on the counter, she left the room and ran back down the stairs. She had to get out of the house.

By the time she had driven five blocks and sung along with the radio for a few minutes, Nia felt her heart rate returning to normal. She wanted to talk to someone now. Turning down a side street, she headed for the CD store, as she had the night before.

When she walked in she immediately heard a smooth tenor voice singing Coldplay's Viva La Vida. She smiled, finding her way around the racks of CD displays to the back room.

"Hey Aaron," she called as she walked in.

The singing paused and a tall, dark-haired teenager stuck his head out from around shelves piled with boxes. "Hey Nia. What are you doing? Coming in three hours early just so you can be sure not to be late for once?"

"Ummm, not exactly," Nia said, ignoring his teasing. "I just wanted to talk to someone, and my family is mostly still asleep."

"Your family is smart." Aaron grinned, walking out from behind the shelves. "OK. What do you need to talk about?"

"First, I need to show you this," Nia said. She turned on the camera, which still hung around her neck. She hit playback again. The mask stared out from the mirror behind the letters. She held up the camera. "See, look at this."

Aaron moved so he stood beside her and leaned down so he could see the camera. He squinted at the screen. "OK. Cool picture."

"No, you don't get it. How is the mask being reflected behind the coffee cup if there was no mask in the room?" Nia asked.

"Mask? What are you talking about? I just see a coffee cup and its reflection in a partially fogged up mirror," Aaron said, glancing at Nia and then back to the picture.

"There are no letters in the fog?"

"None."

"And no mask?"

"None." Aaron's voice had taken on a hint of unease. "Nia, what's up?"

"I really don't know." Her answer came softly. "See... I see a mask reflected there, and the word 'hide' written in the fog. But it wasn't there when I took the picture, and if you can't see it..."

"Maybe it's just in your head," Aaron said.

Nia rolled her eyes. "How is that possible?"

"I don't know, but I think it is. Something's in your head or your heart and it's obviously asking to be noticed." Aaron stepped in front of Nia. "Is everything alright? Are you hiding from something?"

Nia shifted her weight. His intense stare made her uncomfortable, and she looked away. "No, of course not. I mean, yes! I'm alright, and I'm not hiding anything!"

He raised an eyebrow. "OK. Whatever you say. Do I need to tell Gary you won't be in for work today?"

"Absolutely not. I'm fine!" Nia snapped. "It's not that big a deal. I'll be in to work as usual."

"A little late, as usual," he said with a slight smirk. "You could get here so much faster if you'd just use Main Street."

"I've told you before, I don't like that street." Nia crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to hide a shudder. "I just... don't like it. I'd rather take side streets."

Aaron sighed. "Alright then. I'm sorry for teasing you. I'll see you in a few hours. Just... be careful, alright?"

"Whatever. See you later." Nia turned and hurried out of the room, trying to hide the confusion in her eyes. Only one thing was certain. She would find out what was going on, and she would end it.

Day 77: Never Rock

2009-03-19T13:55:00.000-05:00

Yeah right. \m/(>.<)\m/

We saw this and it made us laugh because we were about to play some rock music.

Day 76: Make-up post

2009-03-19T13:47:00.000-05:00

AGAIN. *sigh*

For a Rainy Day

This is a reject that has a rather embarrasing story behind it. I was at work in the library, on a rainy afternoon last week (the day I took "Wrinkled Water"). Work was super slow, it was pretty outside, and I happened to have my camera. So I went to take pictures in the front foyer. Someone had randomly left this bright purple umbrella beside the enormous fern that dominates half the foyer. I decided it would make a really cool picture if I shot through the leaves of the fern over the umbrella out into the rain.

When I get an idea for a photograph, I forget everything else. Before I knew what was happening, I was crawling under the fern plant and trying to focus the camera. This was the second shot I got, but I wasn't happy with it, so I was in middle of playing with the zoom and focus when a random guy I know walked in and stopped and stared.

I scrambled sheepishly out from under the fern.

"Woah. That was weird," he said.

I think I have to agree.

Day 75: Curls

2009-03-16T22:26:00.000-05:00

Some friends and I spent the afternoon taking pictures and videos in random locations around my University's campus, including sneaking around our super nice performing arts center. This is one of the banisters.

Day 74: Pages

2009-03-16T22:15:00.000-05:00

I finally finished my mother's Christmas gift - a collection of my poems. The collection is named after a sestina I wrote, Beyond the Darkened Mirror.

Day 73: Hero

2009-03-16T22:12:00.001-05:00

This is one of my favorite pictures I got at the Rennaissance Faire. Jousting is fun to photograph.

Day 72: Wrinkled Water

2009-03-13T18:33:00.000-05:00

Lots and lots and lots of rain these past few days...

Day 71: Firefly

2009-03-13T18:29:00.000-05:00

The Christmas lights in our school room were on. I'm not sure why. One way or another, I was frantically looking for something to take a picture of before heading to bed.

Day 70: Can You Stop the Fire?

2009-03-11T22:56:00.000-05:00

"Can you stop the fire? Can you stand to fight her?

You can't stop the fire. You won't say the words."

- Evanescence

Day 69: Another Reject

2009-03-11T22:55:00.001-05:00

Once again, making up (my sister had the camera all day so I missed it again). This is from my leaf/bud photoshoot a week or two back.

Tracing Veins

Day 68: Better Late...

2009-03-11T22:53:00.000-05:00

I spent about an hour printing out all the poems posted on the last several pages on the Christian writer's forum I'm on, and then I marked which ones I need to do feedback for, which I don't, and so on. But I was procrastinating on it. Anywhere's duck was helping me procrastinate.

Day 67: Reject

2009-03-11T22:51:00.000-05:00

Well, because I missed this day, I decided to post a reject from a while back.

Hope in Graffiti

(a picture of a large, graffiti-style painting entered in Fine Arts week)

Day 66: Pedestal

2009-03-11T22:49:00.000-05:00

These are the trophies for my University's Film Fest. I attended as a photographer.

Day 65: Newsboys

2009-03-07T21:58:00.000-06:00

We went to see the Newsboys (plus VOTA, Bread of Stone, and DecembeRadio). It was an amazing night. I took a lot of pictures, but this is one of my favorites.

Day 64: Starry Sky, Trapped Inside

2009-03-06T17:45:00.000-06:00

I've been pushing the lens of my camera up against the microscope oculars in order to get a picture of the slides. The camera didn't focus right, and instead of a shot of a crab's mouth parts I got this. I think it's absolutely gorgeous, though I have no idea how it happened.

Day 63: The Night Stalker

2009-03-04T23:25:00.000-06:00

This is kind of blurred, but it makes me laugh, because it looks like something from a horror movie. In truth, some friends and I were just trying to get into the Chapel so I could play piano, and I caught my black-cloaked brother looking somewhat suspicious.

Day 62: Out of Focus

2009-03-04T23:21:00.000-06:00

I love juxtaposition. The second picture was also taken through a link of the chain, but I get to do fun things with my focus. And, as a bonus [click thumbnail for full view]:

Day 61: A Little Lost

2009-03-04T23:19:00.000-06:00

...or at the very least they look a little lost. But we're just so awesome we don't care.

Day 60: Painted

2009-03-01T22:25:00.000-06:00

"The sunset, I close my eyes, I pretend everything's alright..."
- Red

Day 59: Substitute Picture

2009-03-01T22:23:00.000-06:00

I in no way intended this to be my picture of the day, but due to circumstances beyond my control, it's all I've got, and much as I'm trying to avoid turning this into "365 creative self-portraits," I can't avoid it in this case.

This shirt arrived on Friday. I've wanted it for a very long time.

Day 58: Come Alive

2009-03-01T22:22:00.000-06:00

Spring has arrived again.

Day 57: Pieces

2009-02-27T16:32:00.000-06:00

[Today I start the process of posting my story, Photographic Melody. This is the first of what will be six posts. My picture ties into the story.]

Scene One: Pieces
Word Count: 998
-----

The pieces just wouldn’t fit.

Nia sighed in exasperation, sweeping her hand through the pile of pens, pencils, and paper scraps. The tools slid across the wooden table top, a ray of color in the gray light filtering weakly through the kitchen window. She glared at the assorted implements, her dark eyebrows drawing together over blue eyes.

A smile broke through the scowl, and Nia grabbed her smooth black SONY camera from the counter top. Crouching low so her eyes were just above the table’s edge, she positioned her camera, carefully aligned the focus, and snapped the picture.

“Nia, what on earth are you doing?”

Nia wobbled and almost lost her balance. She put a hand down to steady herself and then stood up. Turning to face her mother, she smiled. “I'm taking a picture. I was thinking of going for a cluttered look, framing it so you could just see the pens and paper scraps, but I couldn't make the colors work right. So in a moment of inspiration I came up with this.”

“Any particular reason you're taking the picture?” her mother asked, moving to the table and starting to clean up the pens and pencils.

“I'm doing this thing I heard about online.” Nia moved to help her mother. “It's called Project 365. You take one picture every day and post it on a blog. Then at the end of the year you have 365 pictures, a way to remember the whole year, and a lot more practice with photography.”

“That sounds interesting.”

“That's what I thought.” Nia scooped her supplies back into her worn leather art bag. “It'll be hard to keep up with once I go back to college, but I figure if I get a start over these last two weeks of winter break, at least I'll be in the habit.”

“You'll have to show me the pictures eventually,” the older woman said, turning to the sink to get a washcloth so she could wipe the table.

“Or you could learn to use the internet properly,” Nia teased.

Her mother laughed. “Some day. Now, don't you have to get ready for work?”

“Right. I want to look at the picture first though.” Nia hurried out of the kitchen and up the stairs, skipping the ninth step, which always creaked. She took a left on the landing and entered her room.

Posters lined the walls in a neat order, a mixture of band posters and her own photography. Nia flopped down on her bed, grateful that her parents had left her room the same even though she lived away during the semester. Opening the black laptop resting on her pillow, she typed in her password. She slid the memory stick out of her camera and pushed it into the small card reader slot on her computer. The auto-read window faded in, and she clicked to open the folder.

Nia pulled the picture up on her screen and, raising an eyebrow in a critical squint, went over every inch. “The color looks nice, the focus worked...” she said to herself in a whisper. “Probably should have taken a second or third shot before cleaning up, but then, often the first shot is the best.” Running her eyes over the center of the picture, she paused. On one of the loose paper scraps from her art bag, a heavy black mask had been sketched in remarkable detail.

She frowned. “When did I draw...” rolling over, she grabbed her art bag from where she had dropped it beside her bed. She pulled it onto the bed and dumped out its contents yet again. Still frowning, Nia looked at each sketch in turn. None of them contained a black mask, or even anything remotely close.

With a long, slow intake of breath, she swept the clutter back into her bag. After closing her laptop lid, she pressed her cold fingertips against her temples. Her heartbeat seemed like it should be audible.

The high chime of the clock in the kitchen drifted up the stairs, eerie in its distance. Nia shivered, and then jumped off her bed. She had to be at work in fifteen minutes. She wound a maroon scarf around her neck and pulled a dark brown jacket over that. Within a few moments she was rushing down the stairs again, running her hands through her red-brown hair instead of taking the extra few minutes to brush it.

"Mom, I'm going to work, I'll be home in about four hours!" Nia hurried out the door without waiting for a response from her mother. The sharp air of the last days of December washed over her face, and she tucked her chin down into her scarf. Her silver Ford waited in the driveway, and she hurried to the shelter of its warmth. She started the car, deciding to turn the headlights on because the light of late afternoon seemed weak and dull as the sky threatened rain.

Cold pavement rolled away under her car, and she sat back in her seat. Nia breathed deep, pushing away the tangled thoughts in her head. "Music. That's what I need," she whispered to herself. Hitting the play button on her car stereo, she waited for the music to start without bothering to check which CD was in the slot. The opening track to Anberlin's Cities started playing, and she smiled in anticipation. She started singing along as soon as the vocals started, reveling in the bliss of having a few minutes with just herself, the winter afternoon, and the music.

She pulled into the parking lot of the small, locally owned CD store where she worked four minutes late. Nia got out of the car and locked it, smoothing down her hair. She would not allow herself to feel uneasy tonight. Nothing was wrong. With a deep breath she walked through the thick glass doors for an evening of work.

Day 56: Skyward

2009-02-26T20:10:00.000-06:00

I was shooting blind on this one, but am decently pleased with how it turned out.

Day 55: RUSH

2009-02-26T20:09:00.000-06:00

I went to a High Flight Society concert tonight, and got my hand stamped on the way in. It was a great concert, BUT, I forgot my camera. So you get the stamp on my hand instead of a picture of the band rocking out.

Day 54: Worn Out

2009-02-26T20:07:00.000-06:00

This was my favorite shirt when I was 12 and 13 years old. I wore it two or three days every week. It was black when I bought it. Those days are long gone. My mother found it the other night, and I dug it out for a few last pictures. It's interesting, looking back on a little piece of who I was.

Day 53: Forgotten Melody

2009-02-22T17:12:00.000-06:00

We visited the church we went to when I was a small child today - we've visited every now and again for at least 14 years. This is an old toy piano, very much loved, that I used to bang out "Jesus Loves Me" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" on when I was 5 and 6 years old.

Day 52: Bits and Pieces

2009-02-22T17:09:00.000-06:00

This is my bulletin board, as captured hastily between precalculus problems. I have several autographs on it, as well as my Skillet drumsticks, stamps, a card a friend sent a few months back, and a postcard I got for finishing last summer's big writing project.

Day 51: Frosted Shadows

2009-02-22T16:56:00.000-06:00

I was walking to school early in the morning, and because the sun was low and the shadows long, most of the frost had not yet burned away. I took this in the long shadow of the fence separating my University from my neighborhood.

Day 50: Funny Friend

2009-02-19T16:17:00.000-06:00

So. This little guy was one of our subjects of observation in Biology Lab today, and I got quite attached to him. Not only was he a fascinating creature, but he was really cute. He was quite small, but I got a much better look at him under the dissecting microscope. I named him Fred, and made sure he didn't crawl off the slide and away. [The common name for him would be a flatworm, by the way.]

EDIT: I spent about an hour finding a template that was high-quality enough for my purposes and also looked vaguely like what I wanted. This is what I came up with. Finally, anyone can leave comments (which I tested and confirmed), since I had so many requests to find a way to make that work. Enjoy.

Day 49: Rocks My Socks

2009-02-19T16:15:00.000-06:00

So normally I refuse under almost any conditions to take pictures where someone's feet are visible, but this is a special case. I had to use self-timer for this. I got new socks the other day, and my mother gave me instructions to mark them. She said I could mark them any way, so long as we could tell they were mine (so my siblings don't end up with them). I think I suceeded in claiming them.

Day 48: Mouse House

2009-02-19T16:09:00.000-06:00

This is my older brother's mouse, Trillian. My 13-year-old brother decided she needed a new play house, so he tore these holes in a Pringles can and brought her to visit me.

Day 47: Luminescence

2009-02-16T23:02:00.000-06:00

This is the rose lamp my mother got me for my 17th birthday. I took it out tonight and set it up beside my desk.

Day 46 Make-up Picture: Exhibition

2009-02-16T22:57:00.000-06:00

Yes, I missed a day. I was really sick, tired, and out of it on February 15, and just didn't take a picture. So I took an extra one today to make up for it. This is some of the art on display at my school for Fine Arts week. We had a total of 126 submissions (three of which were mine). It was a toss-up between this picture for today and one of a hand crafted electric guitar (SO. COOL.).

Day 45: In Chains

2009-02-15T10:06:00.000-06:00

I dressed up goth on this particular evening. I loved the chains.

Day 44: Twilight Hues

2009-02-15T10:04:00.000-06:00

The colors are dulled in the picture, but the last light of the sunset was purple, pink, and blue.

Day 43: Nothing and Everything

2009-02-15T10:03:00.001-06:00

I apologize for haiving two similar pictures in a row, but this was the only picture I got on this day - it was never meant to be my picture of the day, but I was far too busy to get a picture of anything else.

This is a defining quote from the album Innocence and Instinct. Yes, soon I will move on to other subjects.

Day 42: Arm Art

2009-02-12T13:54:00.000-06:00

I write and draw on my arms all the time. In celebration of Red's new album, I've been drawing this on my arm. I know this isn't the best picture, but I didn't have time for anything else.

Day 41: Innocence and Instinct

2009-02-12T13:52:00.000-06:00

Self portrait. My long-awaited Red album came, the day it was released. I've been listening to it pretty much 24/7 ever since.

Day 40: Prints

2009-02-12T13:50:00.000-06:00

For the first time, I got some of my photography printed.

Day 39: Amatuer Photography

2009-02-12T08:07:00.000-06:00

Very early in my interest in photography, I learned that as an amatuer you just have to make things work. This was a photo shoot I set up in my brothers' bathroom (that room chosen because it has no windows). I have my pink desk lamp, a black towel, a cut-out from a 3x5 card, and my study Bible.

Day 38: Piercing

2009-02-12T08:00:00.000-06:00

A friend was given this super strong laser pointer for her birthday, and I managed to catch it just right.

Day 37: Snapshot

2009-02-07T18:19:00.000-06:00

This is a very hastily taken picture of my hat hanging on a bookcase by my desk, along with my schedule. That's my yearbook picture in front of the schedule. I was in a hurry because my brother was taking my camera for the rest of the day, so I just took a picture of the first thing I saw.

Day 36: Silent Morning

2009-02-07T18:18:00.001-06:00

Campus is very quiet at 8:30 a.m. I was walking to my lab on a chilly, still February morning, and paused to get a picture as the rising sun cast slanting shadows over the path.

Day 35: Headphones Are My Friends

2009-02-07T18:16:00.000-06:00

This is a very typical sight. I wear headphones all the time. A few months ago I broke down and bought a high quality set, because I use them so much that it's worth it.

Day 34: Customized

2009-02-07T18:15:00.000-06:00

This is the back of my laptop. I hope to buy more stickers in the future; this one came with my pre-order of The Bird and the Bee Sides last summer.

Day 33: Rose

2009-02-03T13:32:00.001-06:00

This is my very favorite mug. My now 13-year-old brother gave it to me as a gift a few years ago. It's the perfect size, it fits my hand perfectly, and it's just pretty. I've had it with me very often these past few days; I've been sick, and the only way to get my throat to function at all normally is to be drinking a hot drink almost constantly.

Day 32: Desktop

2009-02-03T13:27:00.000-06:00

I've made it to the second month without missing a day! I was however very uninspired and rather sick on this particular night, so I ended up taking a picture of part of my desktop background (which I made, of course). I've had the same one since before the semester began.